couple yelling

So your relationship is over and all those feelings of aggression, anger, disgust and mental anguish have come to a head. If you don’t lash-out in a verbal assault of profanities and low-blows you’re just going to explode. You want to—need to—get a few last jabs in at the ex before the door hits her in the ass. It’s okay to vent. Just remember, once you say it, you can’t take it back. If you dare to use any of the top 5 insults on your ex, you need to be sure of two things first; that you’ll never, ever want her back, and that you can outrun her!

Attack her sexual performance – Even if you had mind-blowing sex throughout the entire duration of your relationship, a good way to offend your partner is to tell her that it sucked. Two things women hate are being found out when faking orgasms, and worse, being told that they don’t perform well in the bedroom. Kill two birds with one stone and say, “You weren’t the only one who was faking it!” Follow that statement with, “I’ve had more passionate sex with a blow-up doll!” First store a vivid mental image of her naked in your brain. You won’t be seeing that again in person … ever.

Refer to other women – Women are naturally jealous creatures. Especially when it comes to other women. You can make her blood boil and send her packing for good by using this fact to your advantage. In the most subtle sense, asking for her best friend’s number as she’s leaving you will make her think twice about coming back. Drive this theory home by telling her that you’ve always imagined that she was her best friend while you had sex with her. You’ll never see her again after a doozy like that. But as a bonus, you might see her friend!

couple arguing plate

All in the family – It’s not nice and very disrespectful to criticize one’s family, but when you’re sure your relationship is over, doing so will definitely offend and infuriate the ex. There’s a few ways to go about this. If she has a rough relationship with her mother or sister, a simple, “You’re just like your mother,” or “…just like your sister” should do. If her mom is clearly unattractive — or even if she’s not — try, “Thank God we’re through. You’re starting to age just like your mother.” If she comes from an attractive family, “I should have dated your sister” or “I wanted to hook-up with your mom. But since she’s not available, I settled for you” will kill her.

The “C” word – You know which word we’re talking about. Starts with “C” ends with “T” and rhymes with hunt, punt and stunt. The word you’ve always been taught never to use under any circumstances, especially when speaking to a woman. The most disrespectful term in the dictionary. (Yes, the dictionary.) If you really need to stoop as low as this insult, you need to be 110 percent, absolutely certain that your relationship is over. Because if it’s not, it will be after you drop the C-bomb.

woman shotgun

Tell her she’s fat – Believe it or not, of all the vile things we’ve mentioned, this will piss her off the most. Just give her the once over and calmly state, “Damn girl, you weren’t this bitchy before you got fat.” Another zinger is, “By the way, those jeans did make you look fat! And so did that dress, those shorts and don’t get me started on the bikini!” And for the grand finale, “Ah well, in losing you, I’m also losing several pounds of ugly fat.” Ouch! Now quickly duck or slam the door!

There you have it guys. If you’re trying to break it off for good, believe us, any of these 5 insults are a dealbreaker! Use them with extreme caution because once you do, you can be sure that your relationship is over, done, kaput! Enjoy your new found bachelorhood!