Despite how much I look the part with my Ride board and color-coordinated gear, I’m not quite a professional snowboarder. Some might call me a semi-pro, depending on whom you ask. And even some semi-pros still take a tumble every now and again.
In fact, some fall down more than others. Maybe even wipe out. Face-plant. Body-slam. You know, just sometimes.
I sometimes do, too.
When I wasn’t slaying Mountain Creek’s bunny hill last weekend, I spent some time violently hurling myself down the beginner trail, plowing into small children and indiscriminately taking out innocent bystanders left and right.
Unfortunately for them, they weren’t all braced with some serious GOT-status armor as I was. Beneath my deceptively professional facade, I was shamelessly sporting G-Form’s Pro-X compression shirt and shorts. So I didn’t look like the coolest kid in the locker room when I was pulling up my snow pants, but I wasn’t the kid cupping my butt cheeks in my mittens on the way out either.
Upon skating on over to the big leagues (AKA the absolute smallest slope that still requires a chairlift), I was warned that I’d pick up three to four times more speed than I did at the “Progressive Park” where I’d learned, and thus fall three to four times harder. To say I was nervous would be the understatement of the century, but I didn’t let anyone else’s apprehensions psych me out because, little did they know, I came prepared.
(Lies, I was internally freaking out.) (More lies, it wasn’t so internal; it was very verbal, indeed.)
I don’t blame anyone for underestimating my readiness, though. My G-Form gear is so lightweight that even I couldn’t tell I was wearing it. G-Form’s body armor boasts proprietary Reactive Protection Technology that’s anatomically designed to flex with your body, which is generous given how scarily immobile you already are when strapped into a snowboard. The body-mapped padding stiffens on impact to dissipate energy when you crash into what appears to be cushioned clouds of white stuff but what actually feels like bone-breaking bricks. The shirt protects the ribs, sternum, shoulders and clavicle and the shorts shield the hips, thighs and tailbone.
The tailbone—this is key. While my snowboard pal (who’s probably closer to calling it a career than I am), swears she shattered her tailbone, I only cracked my kneecaps, broke my back, dislocated some fingers, suffered some whiplash and left potentially concussed. My ass, which fell on its fair share of cushioned clouds of white stuff, strutted out of Mountain Creek virtually unscathed. Sure, squatting for hours did a number on my glutes, but my butt bones are all still in check as far as I can tell.
Likewise, my hips, shoulders and chest all feel alright. Not glorious, but not bad. Essentially, everywhere on my body that was shielded with G-Form’s pads is far less black and blue than the rest of me.
So I credit G-Form for being in good enough shape to get back out on the mountain again this weekend, because I’m determined to go pro by the end of the season. This time around, I just hope my imminent victims will have read this and equipped themselves, as well.
Oh, and one other thing: G-Form’s compression shirt and shorts are also moisture-wicking—an added bonus given how much you actually do sweat in sub-zero temperatures.
OK, it was 40 degrees, but I tend to exaggerate. All of the rest of this is true.