You may want to claim independence from your friends on the 4th of July if they turn out not to be the sharpest tool in the patriotic shed. July 4th marks a time of celebrating America’s historical break from the grips of a British King. July 4th is the name and independence is the game. But when is it time for your friends to stop playing?
Don’t drink and dive. The world appears easier when drunk on the 4th of July. The diving board looks shorter, the water looks more refreshing and the fans look more appealing. The staggering doesn’t stop your friends. The lady in the back yelling “don’t do it” doesn’t stop them. Watch your friends do the best known dive known to drunk men—the belly flop. A dive felt for about as many days as it took to fight in the American Revolution.
Crackers lighting crackers rocket man? It is the old firecracker in a cigarette stunt making a drunk comeback according to your friend. Sure, end the 4th with a bang. But what makes firecracker jokes one of the dumbest 4th of July stunts? When someone enters the emergency room. So, if your friends gather visions of lighting firecrackers in cigarettes, cigars, hats, or even sneakers, try to talk them out of it. If that doesn’t work then have 911 on speed dial. Your friends may even turn into rocket men with dreams of lighting every rocket they can find. That can get friends killed. Or at least hurt someone in the packed family park or city street they light it in.
Lighting fireworks indoors. Yes, it is a myth. Just because the bathroom and kitchen has water does not mean fireworks are safe to light indoors. Your friends could place those living in, near and around the point of “take-off” in serious danger. Fire loves oxygen and feeds from it. Meaning, there may not be enough water to stop the process of fire once it starts going. Unless that is the part of the plan. Then your friends are pyromaniacs (and a bunch of psychos).
Uninvited party crasher. Your friends were uninvited to the hottest 4th of July party in town. How were they to know that taking off their shorts and running around in red, white, and blue g-strings while wearing Nixon masks would offend anyone? So, they may want to leave their “up yours” mark on that party. Dumb things they may attempt? Sneaking in and peeing in the punch, spray painting “American traitor” everywhere, or screaming the host is British.
John Hancock just got cockier! Screaming out the U.S. Constitution, Declaration and the rights of all men with that Samuel Adams slur could be fun on the 4th of July – for your friends. Meanwhile, everyone ponders what “in defendants” has to do with the 4th of July. And then there’s the Paul Revere ride through town on a bike while screaming “the British are coming!” Oh no they didn’t!
Buzz theft under surveillance. Sons of Liberty would be proud? Stealing another man’s American flag, American fireworks, or American keg is not too smart if they have your friends on camera. It will not be a first time. It happens. That’s one way to end the celebration bar hopping. That is if they post bail.
Going full independent on Independence Day. Dumb just got dumber! Your friends want some independence so they quit their jobs after breaking up with someone. Friends can’t stop the aftermath of July – the aftermath of apology. Making this the most ignorant of all on this list of seven dumbest things your friends will do on the 4th of July.