We men are always looking for a better deal, and that will always be true no matter where you go in the Universe.
Remember how, in high school, your first girlfriend was the most beautiful girl in the world? You were pretty sure you were going to spend the rest of your life with her, and you had planned (after prom of course), the many and creative names for your offspring. Then, of course, you met a girl from the high school across town. Your mind reeled in the face of the obviously-hotter girl from across town, and it wasn’t long before your fantasies turned from your hypothetical children’s names to a slicked-up-let’s-just-see-what-happens girls lockerroom orgy with your crosstown rival’s girls volleyball team.
Well you’re older now. So here’s a list of girls from the other side of the galaxy you may not have known about. Enjoy. You have so much to learn.
Serleena isn’t always hot. Like any woman, she has on days and off days. Sometimes she looks like the indefatigable Lara Flynn Boyle, sometimes she looks like a grossly pregnant Lara Flynn Boyle (see below video), and sometimes she looks like a Kylothian Queen. It’s just a matter of makeup. Lucky for us, most Men in Black II, this man-eater takes the shape easiest on our eyes. Would we sleep with her if it meant there was a good chance our man-pieces would be shredded and flung into the furtherst reaches of cold, dark, outer space? Depends on the list of positions we’re allowed.
8. Lisa, V
Lisa is the daughter of the Visitor High Commander, Anna. So you know she’s got money, she’s well-bread, and probably has good table manners. She looks like she keeps in shape, and is nothing of not polite. That little jumpsuit could stand to be tailored a little slimmer, but that’s an easy fix. And you know she’s down for a little cross species pollination (she’s certainly down with Tyler the Earthling).
6 is the 6th in the line of the “significant sven” cylons, and she is designed to make your undercarriage tingle. She is a Cylon infiltrator with seduction techniques built-in and an obvious physical attractiveness. At the beginning of the series, it is a 6 copy that seduces one of the head researchers at the Colonial defense network. She then informs him that she’s going to use the information she gleaned from him to help the Cylons destroy most of humanity. Then they do. But the question that nobody ever asks is this: Was it worth it, Dr. Gaius Baltar? We’re thinking, yeah, it probably was.
6. Sil, Species
When the government uses alien DNA spliced with human DNA to created a docile, hybridized member of the universe, a few things can happen. Sometimes, like in Avatar, you can end up with a real good looking specimen that, it turns out, is pretty good natured. Of course, you may also end up with a specimen like Sil. An alien succubus that matures to the physicality of a 12 year old in 3 months and, before long, is going through every man she looks for trying to find a suitable organic specimen to seed her womb and ensure her future stability. So, it’s kind of like L.A.
Leeloo is the divine weapon sheathed in a mortal coil sent to Earth to save us from a Great Evil called the Mondoshawan, which amounts to a sort of heaving, sun-like object that can make your head bleed across space and time. She’s also a redhead, so that’s pretty hot. With DNA many times more complex than our own, she was engineered to be the perfect being. She’s nice, she’s smart, she’s hot as hell, and the way she flipkicks Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg’s foot soldiers around, there’s no way the Cirque de Soleil style sexcapades she’d wrap you up in would result in anything but your own, below-the-belt super nova.
Played by the ever-sporting Lycia Naff, the three-breasted woman from the Governator’s red planet thrill ride, Total Recall, burned her polymastic hotness into the brainpieces of adolescents the world over. Her titanic triumvirate titillated our young minds, daring us to dream of better, bigger things than what we had, or what we even thought possible. How many C students grew up to be astronauts because of their search for a symbolic (maybe?) three-breasted prostitute? If the answer is even one, then Lycia, your place on this list is well-deserved. VIDEO NSFW.
It’s either a testament to her attractiveness or the geek-osity of Futurama’s fan base, but an unfiltered Google search of Leela yielded far more fan-made pornography than any other member of this distinguished list. Voiced by Katey Sagal (the mom from Married with Children), Leela is the one-eyed siren that captains the Planet Express Ship. She and the thick-headed fry have had a somewhat awkward romance throughout the series which is, perhaps, the reason for her popularity. Every ginger fanboy out there sees this cyloptic siren as hope that he, one day, may also have sexy, spacey, steel-booted, purple-haired love.
Inara Serra was, tragically, attached to the doomed television series, Firefly. So, we don’t’ know her that well, but what we do know is just lovely. She was born in the 25th century and is of the caste Companion. Basically, she’s a high-class, space-prostitute. Kind of like a geisha for astronauts. These girls are no Shady Ladies, though. Part of their job is to nurture their client emotionally and psychologically. Inara herself is a Buddhist. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it looks like she’d shag like a space-tiger. Who could pass up the hooker with a heart of gold?
Here’s the thing about sexy blue aliens. They’re like the hot bartender, or the older woman, or the teacher. You probably wouldn’t want to marry one, live with one, or even date one for an extended period of time. But, damn, would you ever sleep with one. You’d sleep with one as hard as anything has slept with anything. Ever. Neytiri has many features desirable in a human female: long, lighte, muscular body, large eyes, an accent, a (other)worldliness about her. She’s all that and she’s blue. Sign us up.