If the Dallas Mavericks owner became POTUS, things would be a lot different…
The big news over the weekend: According to The Washington Post, a group of conservative politicians asked Mark Cuban, the outspoken billionaire owner of the Dallas Mavericks, to run as a third-party candidate in this year’s presidential election, in an attempt to block presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump. Although Cuban told the paper he would “put Trump in his place,” he said he didn’t anticipate running for president this year due to a lack of time before the election.
But that didn’t stop us from imagining what a Mark Cuban presidency would look like. Here are 17 executive actions we could easily see Cuban pulling the trigger on as the most powerful person in the free world.
#9. New dress code at the Oval Office: Ties banned, T-shirts required.
1. All proposed Congressional spending will be evaluated on Shark Tank.
2. Relaxed Fit Skechers will be issued to all members of the Senate so everybody can relax.
3. Official communication app of the CIA: Cyber Dust.
4. After a Constitutional Amendment allowing German-born people on the ticket, meet your new VP: Dirk Nowitzki!
5. Air Force One will be pimped out to include a pool table, fridge full of Gatorade and cryotherapy chamber.
6. Every Cabinet meeting will be catered by Naked Pizza.
7. State of the Union Address will be delivered at Dallas Cowboys Stadium and tickets will be sold on StubHub.
8. Iconic bald eagle on Presidential Seal will be replaced by iconic Mavs mascot Champ.
9. New dress code at the Oval Office: Ties banned, T-shirts required.
10. New ambassador to Puerto Rico: JJ Barea.
11. Los Angeles Clippers forward DeAndre Jordan will immediately be deported to Russia.
12. Los Angeles Clippers coach Doc Rivers will be forbidden to go by “Doc” without proof of a medical degree.
13. Regular press conferences will be held to allow Cuban to openly criticize the recent rulings of the Supreme Court. (And no fines allowed!)
14. A law will be passed making the POTUS an honorary Navy SEAL, and he can also drive tanks whenever he wants.
15. Retiring Mavericks will be given first dibs on all available Secret Service positions.
16. The last car of every DC Metro train will be replete with Scotch and cigars.
17. Entourage will air around the clock on C-SPAN.