You might not know it yet, but the moment you begin approaching a woman, you’re seducing her. Seduction doesn’t just happen in the bedroom, it happens continuously anytime you’re around her.

She is constantly picking up on messages, both verbal and non-verbal. You’re sending them literally through your words and body language, and subliminally, by how your conversation makes her feel.

This is called verbal foreplay: the art of lubricating her mind in a way that evokes sexual desire. And here’s a road map for talking your way right to her heart.

You want to show her you’re the kind of guy who embraces his sexual desires and is comfortable with his sexuality, as this will open her up to that part of herself as well.

1. Be confident and self-assured
Theory: If you’re slouching, not looking her in the eye, and your voice is quivering, she is going to know you’re nervous and she is going to be turned off. You have to be sure of yourself, at ease in your own skin, like walking up to a woman and starting a conversation with her is no big deal (which it shouldn’t be).

Practice: When you see a girl you want to talk to, establish eye contact and then immediately walk over and engage her. Even if she’s with a group, don’t wait until she’s off on her own because that moment might never arrive. Be confident, stand up straight, make eye contact and speak in a clear, strong tone.

2. Ask open-ended questions
Theory: So many guys get nervous and begin peppering the girl they’re speaking to with compliments and drudgy questions, which spikes the logical side of her brain; she quickly loses interest and counts down the seconds until you leave her alone. Instead, ask questions that excite her and bring her back to past places of pleasure. You don’t even have to ask anything sexual at all. Questions that simply appeal to her emotions and stimulate her imagination will make her excited to engage with you.

Practice: If you ask her, “So what do you do for a living” you’re going to hit a roadblock right away. Why? Because it’s a very logical question that will spike a very standard response—she’s at a party to have fun, not talk about her job. But go with something like, “So tell me about the last awesome vacation you         went on,” she is going to re-visit the memories of that past vacation in her mind. The images emotions she felt at that moment are going to be positive and invigorating.

3. Tell a story
Theory: Every guy has things he wishes he could tell a girl about himself immediately—that he’s really successful and has a high-paying job, the car he drives, the Ivy League college he graduated from, or the fact that he’s travelled to every continent. While some guys will fire off their “highlight reel” right out of the gate, a quality guy knows how to subtly portray who he is without throwing it in her face. To wit: telling a story that demonstrates your value and places you in a position that actively portrays you as the bolded version of yourself. The way you tell it is also key. Relate the details like you’re confessing your wildest sexual fantasy. Change the inflection in your voice to captivate her and draw her in. Step into her when you whisper something, or make eye contact at critical points, which can create a hyper-sensual feeling.

Practice: Say you just recently went travelling in Central America with a friend and took up surfing for the first time. You could use the first big wave you caught as an opportunity to tell a story from your trip. Draw her in by talking about the exact emotions you were feeling, the intensity and adrenaline that was streaming through your veins, and finally, that rush of euphoria when you got on top of the wave. This is how you appeal to her emotions, create excitement and develop intimacy.

seduction-redheadWhen you’ve reached this point, you can probably stop referring to the guide.

4. Tease like a kid
Theory: When we were in grade school we would always make fun of the girl we liked. While our methods have advanced slightly, that approach is strangely legit. I call this the “playground method,” and it’s quite effective for creating sexual attraction. Done right, it conveys a few things: her beauty doesn’t intimidate you, you won’t bend over backwards to please her, and you’re sharp, witty and have a good sense of humor. By finding little quirks to tease her about, you’re putting yourself on an even playing field, as well as subliminally offering her an invitation to engage with you in a verbal dance that creates excitement, play and sexual tension.

Practice: If you picked up that she has a humorous way of moving or walking, you could mimic her walk. Or, if you get the feeling through your conversation that she’s the “keener” type you could go with something like:

You: “I bet you were a front-of-the-classroom kind of girl.”

Her: (Laughs) What do you mean?

You: Yeah…you were probably up at the front with your hair in pigtails, perfect posture, with your hands folded on top of each other.”

Her: You think so, do you?

You: Yup, apple in your pocket, the whole deal. If I ever gave a teacher an apple, I would make sure to take a giant bite out of it first.

Her: I’m actually a lot of fun. I bet I would surprise you.

You: I don’t believe you, but I do like surprises. 

5. Weave in sexual innuendo
Theory: This step isn’t always necessary, because if you did the previous steps astutely enough, the conversation will have built to a place of intimacy already. However, it’s final spike that cements you as a viable sexual counterpart. You want to show her that you’re the kind of guy who embraces his sexual desires and is comfortable with his sexuality, as this will potentially open her up to that part of herself as well. You can do this by actually talking about sex and sharing stories if the conversation goes there, but you can also do this by making subtle, suggestive references. The idea here is that she will know exactly what you’re implying—she will be able to read into the subtext of your jokes—but it’s then up to her whether she accepts or rejects your advances.

Practice: Here’s an opportunity to build on the earlier conversation…

You: OK, maybe you weren’t the teacher’s pet. Maybe you were the bad girl. Sitting in the back of class, passing notes, sneaking out to smoke cigarettes.

Her: (Laughs) Well, I wouldn’t say that!

You: If I were your teacher, I might have to put you in detention…

Her: Oh really?

Seduction is not really about manipulation or deception but rather about packaging your strengths and showcasing them in the best way possible. You want to bring forward your best self in a way that makes you shine and makes your interaction with her exciting and memorable. You want to stick out in her mind because she remembers how she felt when she was around you. It’s all about eliciting a positive emotional response and creating a fun, exciting atmosphere that she wants to be a part of and play around in. So don’t hesitate. Try it today, thank us tomorrow.