Hawaii – A tropical paradise defined by wonderful vistas, legendary waves, an infinitely more relaxed atmosphere, and impossible-to-spell fish species. With the onset of the summer heat and late-May office malaise here on the mainland, it’s the perfect time to pay homage to the islands that round out our number of states and keep us sane with some relaxation time. Even if you can’t afford to fly to the islands and get made fun of by the locals, Chickipedia will provide some local motion with a few of the most gorgeous women the Pacific has to offer. And if you’re one of the lucky locals, take a few moments to appreciate the women that epitomize your beauty and the beach lifestyle.
Older Chicki readers (all four of you) may remember Ms. Hu as Kirk Cameron’s Growing Pains paramour back in the day. Luckily, she didn’t follow Mr. Cameron in his fundamentalist beliefs, deciding instead to be fundamentally sexy. The world has been a better place because of that decision. Ms. Hu’s last feature films included The Scorpion King and Cradle 2 the Grave, and she is now mainly concerned with just being a still-super-hot older lady. Does coming from a chill, island lifestyle increase hotness longevity? Of course. She’s also an ardent bird watcher, apparently; now would be a great time to make a joke about watching the random titmice with her, but your Chicki editors are a little classier than that.
Ms. Mariano is more exquisite than the most beautiful tropical flower and brighter than a thousand sunrises on the beaches of Kauai, her native island. Think that sounds cheesy? Look at the picture above again. JUST LOOK. No amount of superlatives could accurately describe Jarah’s sexiness the way her poses for Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria’s Secret, etc. can. Should’ve…sent…a poet…instead of a hacky and immature Chicki writer.
Who needs all those other letters in the stupid alphabet when you’ve got Q, anyway? Actually, I guess I couldn’t write this without the rest of the letters. That might be a good thing…anyway, Maggie’s a fantastically good-looking lady from Honolulu who’s starred in Rush Hour 2, Live Free or Die Hard, and Balls of Fury. Yes, that is a real movie title, not just the feeling you get in your pants when you look at Ms. Quigley (her real name).
Hawaiians are known for going with the flow, but not many are lucky enough to go around with Flo. She’s a former Hawaiian Tropic model (note to self: really easy list idea for the future) now living in LA. She’s a phenomenal dancer, but don’t think that this Honolulu native only knows the hula dance. A presumption like that would be very culturally insensitive, and we’re all about understanding and appreciating Flo’s multi-faceted personality without reverting to careless stereotypes. Shaka, brah, let’s check out the next chick, bruddah.
Alright, technically, Malia was not born in Hawaii; her birthplace was in the islands’ sunny second cousin to the east, a little spot called Loma Linda, California. But when you’re one of the most respected, talented, and downright sexiest of all female surfers, most people are willing to grant you dual surfing citizenship. In other words, it’s chill. Jones won the women’s US Amateur Surfing title when she was only 15, tapped by Surfing magazine to model as well, and she’s been living a dream life ever since. Wet pictures like the one above and the dream she lives is enough to make any man, native or tourist, imagine a wet dream life himself.
If you are a man, boy, or manchild (and you most certainly must be to have gotten this far down on the article), you’ve probably seen the last few years of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Editions. If you have seen any of those, you already know who Tori Praver is. She’s the reason you had to buy two copies. If you are still unfamiliar with Tori, there’s no reason to be ashamed. She’s only one of the most alluring, tallest (I’m biased toward the long-legged ladies), heart-stoppingly beautiful women to grace the pages of the hallowed tome in the last few years. Coming straight out of Lahaina, the 5’11” goddess was basically born to be ogled in sports magazines and talked about in modeling for decades to come.
No hot Hawaiian chick list would be complete without the immortal Cassandra, I mean Tia. She made a nation go “Schwing!” in the early nineties as Mike Myers’ GF in one of the few successful SNL movies, Wayne’s World. Many people don’t know that Tia was also a fairly successful songstress in real life, hard-rocking Sweet covers notwithstanding. Although, most men will still hear the sweet strains of “Dream Weaver” in their heads whenever they gaze up Ms. Carrere’s beauty.
Ms. Ford is, simply put, amazing. She’s one of the most famous Playboy models of all time, and she epitomizes the varied culture of Hawaii. She’s equal parts German, Chinese, Irish, Portugese and Native Hawaiian. Even though she has not received much media attention as of late, we can always look back to her glory days with former Playboy star Lisa Boyle, when she was the most searched for name on the internet. Basically, she was the inspiration for Google Search.*
*Not confirmed, but if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.
I’ll admit, I saved the hottest for last. Nicole was raised with a mixed background as well, in what she termed a “very conservative Catholic” upbringing. Commence the school girl outfit fantasies in your mind right….now. Growing up in Honolulu, Nicole states that she didn’t have a lot of money and the singer thanks her mom for all the support she gave her to become what she is today. We should all thank Ms. Scherizinger as well for raising one of the most gorgeous models to ever come out of Hawaii. We hope this list has given you the necessary impetus to go check out our wonderful 50th state, and this is one last reminder that we are definitely not subsidized by Hawaii or their tourism board. Aloha, everybody!