Whatever. “The Grapes of Wrath” is supposedly a mainstay of American literature, and required reading for any learned citizen. That didn’t stop us from reading the cliffnotes instead. You know what would have? Zombies.

That’s where Quirk Classics comes in. They take the classical literature and twist it to the macabre like a haunted candy cane. They use the original text (or in the case of their favorite author’s newest, original historical figures) combined with new, dark-and-stormy prose to create a tale that is both heart-wrenching and which features actual hearts being wrenched from rib cages.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Though not technically from Quirk Classics, this is the newest novel from their darling novelist Seth Grahame Smith. In it, Honest Abe battles the prince and princesses of the night over a blood-soaked 352 pages. Find out the real reason behind the abolishment of slavery, the nature of Lincoln’s status as a near recluse, and how the early loss of his mother at the hands of these fang’d fiends shaped his personality and policy. [Buy it]

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

85 percent of the original text of Jane Austin’s “Pride and Prejudice” has been preserved in this brain-gobbling expanded edition of the American classic. Find out the dark motive behind Charlotte and Mr. Collins’s marriage. Discover the gruesome truth about why Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy end up together. Here’s a hint: they both involve a great deal of severed limbs. This edition is 320 pages and includes original illustrations in the style of the era.  [Buy it]

Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter

Think “Constantine” but with worse acting than Keanu could muster. Consider this quote from the text, “There were many staff at Kensington Palace, fulfilling many roles; a man who was employed to catch rats, another whose job it was to sweep the chimneys. That there was someone expected to hunt demons did not shock the new Queen; that it was to be her was something of a surprise.” Indeed. [Buy it]

Mansfield Park and Mummies

The subtitle reads: Monster Mayhem, Matrimony, Ancient Curses, True Love, and Other Dire Delights.  Wonderful! Those are 5 of our 7 favorite things! Follow the spread of an ancient, terrible curse through the powdered salons of Regency England in this fanciful adaptation of another Austen classic. It’s not just sandy undead, though. Also included in this well-kempt thriller are werewolves, zombies, vampires and exorcisms (seriously) [Buy it]

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters

“A new tale of romance, heartbreak, and tentacled mayhem.” How can you say no to that? Included in the expanded version of the favorite original classic are giant lobsters, bi-headed serpents, and enormous, man and woman-eating octopuses. If you thought the social graces of Victorian England were difficult to navigate, try filling those dire straights with oily-skinned nightmares from the inky deep. [Buy it]

The Undead World of Oz

With wicked witches, floating heads, and singing midgets, the World of Oz wasn’t that prim and proper to begin with. But, like many things, that doesn’t mean nobody can’t make it better (triple negative!). Dorothy and Toto are whisked away to an enchanted land in much the same manner. The difference this time is that the terrible curse besetting this magical land is bringing the dead to life. Only the Great Wizard can stop it, but can the zombies stop Dorothy first? Likely, yes. [Buy it]