There is a small band of scrappy upstarts just trying to make their way in the Big Apple today. There’s a lot of danger there, and it’s not easy. That’s why it’s important to think and eat like a caveman.

And, according to the NY Times, that’s exactly what they’re doing. Here’s the gist of it:

The caveman lifestyle, in Mr. Durant’s interpretation, involves eating large quantities of meat and then fasting between meals to approximate the lean times that his distant ancestors faced between hunts. Vegetables and fruit are fine, but he avoids foods like bread that were unavailable before the invention of agriculture. Mr. Durant believes the human body evolved for a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, and his goal is to wean himself off what he sees as many millenniums of bad habits.

He also says, “I don’t want to do some faddish diet that my sister would do.” Instead preferring, we assume, to do this faddish diet.

Of course, jokes aside, there is probably something to the diet, at least in the short term. Forget for a moment that it’s basically a manlier version of Atkins (which killed Dr. Atkins), the important part of the diet is the lifestyle that goes along with it and the physical fitness routines.

As we’ve reported here before, you are probably the worst man in history, and that has a lot to do with your Xbox Headset, your vehicle with electric, heated seats, and your general lack of day-to-day sprinting for your life because a sabertoothed beast wants to eat you.

Primitive man relied heavily on his physicality not to impress babes and the gym (though, it was probably good for that, too), but to survive. And as a result, more cavemen than not could have out-performed modern Olympic athletes.

Another, more distressing practice of the Caveman Lifestyle is donating blood often. The idea is that our primal patriarchs were subject to any number of skin rending activities, and, as a result, probably donated quite a bit of blood to various rocks, plants and animals in the course of their day.

It all sort of reads to us like a textbook and undeniable case of eating disorder not otherwise specified if not a more serious mental pathology. Perhaps some kind of middle ground would work best. Eating plenty of meat, but maybe have a serving or two of macaroni since that will help you have an even more primally intense workout. Of course, primitive man didn’t have cheese sauce. But, we’re prepared to accept that as a contributing factor to their average lifespan being about 30 years.