You know it’s funny, I always thought my car was simply for transporting me from one place to another. Sure, I like to enjoy a bit of music to entertain me on the journey but that’s all about my brain can take and still be able to concentrate on the road ahead. Evidently these people are more skilled than I. If not, somebody’s gonna die

This guy is texting with both hands while he listens to his ipod on headphones all while driving? I can’t even keep my eyes on the road while manually changing the station from 94.7 to 103.5 and he is able to drive and buy 250 shares Coldwater Creek. I’m dead because he wants to make sure he gets 250 shares instead of 2500.

In the old days we used to just eat burgers. You would open the wrapper in you lap, drive with one hand and eat with the other. Now people are eating f’n corn and Italian food as they drive. Who is the idiot that thought up Fazolli’s? Fast food Italian, brilliant. I’m dead, he’s carb loaded.

Speaking of fat asses. There should be a law that makes it illegal to drive a car if your car’s steering wheel digs in deeper than 3 inches into your stomach if your seat is all the way back. You can’t possible control your vehicle properly if you have to rub canola oil all over your body to get in your car. We’re both going to have to use the “jaws of life”. Me to get me out of the mangled wreckage. You because you put on 24 pounds while waiting for the ambulance.


Get your dog out of your lap. Dogs are not people and last time I checked they couldn’t drive so don’t pretend they can. As a dog owner I know you’d rather see me die than your precious pet but I guarantee when Fido jumps on the dash and causes you to cross the median and hit me head on you will pray to that Jesus cross stitch that you will never let Toonces drive again.

You do remember Toonces don’t you? That fucker was a terrible driver.