10. Someone from the options trading desk at Bear Sterns called the pit last week and asked if they could open the $2 puts.

9. The prospectus they sent you had blood stains on it.

8. When you call customer service it says. “For Hedge Fund Press 1” “For Hot Singles Press 2”

7. You heard about the fund from one of those emails that looked like a personal note but when you opened the thing it was a Bear Stearns “Hot Pick of the Week”

6. Your customer number is sucker438958

5. You notice that everyone in the main office has a copy of “The Grifters” sitting on the shelf.

4. After reading the terms you noticed that the returns are 2% maintenance fee and 100% of the profits.

3. The guy on the phone tells you the new name of the company is called Callamos Allametti Share Holders but you should just write C. A. S. H on the check

2. The stock is no longer trading on the NYSE but is now available on ebay

1. They just started an affiliate program