Top 10 Ways We’d Redo High School

In the late ’80s and early ’90s, 21 Jump Street was a hit show about cops going undercover as high school students, with serious plotlines ripped from the headlines of the day. The film adaptation opening this weekend, however, has more of a laugh with the concept of grown men—in this case, Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill—passing for teens. But either way you slice it, who wouldn’t love a second crack at the glory days? We can’t go back in time and change ourselves, but we can fantasize about what might have been if we’d just done a few things differently. Here’s the top 10 to-do list…

10. Get braces off before freshman year. You’re a kid. What do you need straight teeth for?

9. Remember that girl everyone had a crush on? She’s 300 pounds of unpleasantness now. Kiss her while she’s still a total babe.

8. Find the biggest bully and just tackle him in the middle of the cafeteria. You might get suspended and brought up on assault charges, but you’ll be the hero of the school.

7. Remember all those times you regret breaking the rules? Neither do we. Break more.

6. You know you were smarter than at least one teacher. Lord it over him.

5. Skip the prom and go straight to Natty Ice and cheap motel nookie.

4. Get “extra help” after class from the hot young teacher fresh out of college. Who knows what could happen?

3. Um, drop out and devote your time to training for the UFC, obviously.

2. Tell your parents what you really think of them. They wouldn’t hit a kid, would they?

1. Why did you apply to Harvard? Go for party schools, dude. Ohio State!


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