It was a close call, but we’ve picked the winner of the Bulletstorm nutcracker giveaway. Congrats to  Dvasquez_991, who once took a cue ball to the nether region during a heated game of pool. You, sir, are a hero to us all. Please contact the editor at jdonatelli[at] to claim your nutcracker.


If you’re a gamer, you’re surely aware of the controversial, butt-kicking violence bonanza that is Bulletstorm, the latest dystopian adventure title from Electronic Arts. The game has stirred more than a few conservative pundits to action for its unrelenting bloodiness and unique "skillshot" system, which awards players points based on the difficulty of an in-game kill and encourages them to shoot their enemies in the groin. So, yes, it is essentially America’s Funniest Home Videos with machine guns.

Now you can own a piece of this historical title. In collaboration with the game’s developers we’ll be giving away one free Bulletstorm nutcracker, a not so subtle reference to the game’s heavily testicle-oriented violence. Here’s how to win:

In the comment section below or on the corresponding Facebook post, describe your most cringeworthy testicle-related injury. It can be something that happened to you, to one of your friends, or to a random stranger whose misfortune you just happened to witness. The story that makes us squirm the most wins.

Submissions should be posted by 3 pm EST on March 18. We’ll announce the winner later that afternoon.