David doesn’t stand a chance. These gnomes are not the gnomes your Finnish grandma told you lived under bridges and would steal your shoes if you left them out. The artist says “this bone china item is the alternative to the traditional garden gnome,” and offers specific advice on where best to place each urban gnome.

Our favorite is obviously the Skull urban gnome which is “suitable for both indoors and outdoors.” What the artist doesn’t tell you, though, is that it is also suitable for delivering dark justice and otherwise punishing evildoers. One more note – the Eskimo gnome looks a little too Hitler-y for us. You can get the non-Aryan ones, though, for £49.50.