WASHINGTON, DC—Plagued by late fees, high interest rates, and harassing creditors, the U.S. took out a debt-consolidation loan Monday, combining the nation’s $6.1 trillion debt into a single, easy monthly payment.

Enlarge Image Debt-Consolidation

Bush watches an E-Z Debt commercial on a White House TV.

“My fellow Americans, we have just taken the first step toward regaining control of our finances,” said President Bush at a press conference. “Thanks to a joint arrangement between the Treasury Department, the Federal Reserve, and E-Z Debt Services of Baltimore, we are finally on our way to freedom from debt.”

As of press time, the national debt stands at $6,144,393,982,061.52.

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