Writing in the men’s lifestyle sphere is tough because our machismo often gets in the way of the truth—especially when it comes to romance. Everybody wants to represent some alpha male bullshit, but we hardly ever realize that mentality only makes us seem insecure to the people we’re trying to impress.

So I want to take a moment to make a different kind of statement: If you want a woman who ain’t a gold digger, stop chasing supermodels.

Now, I’m not saying that money and looks aren’t important. For the record, I think it’s perfectly natural for someone to look for stability and physical attraction in their partner. I’m also not saying that the issues are black and white; not every beautiful woman gives a shit about your bank account, and not every woman you deem unattractive is humble. What I am saying is that I think we need to dial down our expectations and take a quick look in the mirror.

Personally, I’ve been there. I’ve actually had a woman try to hit me up on LinkedIn because she wanted to pre-screen me and see if I was literally worth her time. When she was able to confirm that the odds of me living in my parents’ basement were pretty slim, then and only then did she reach out and ask about grabbing drinks. And I was angry about that, until I saw how physically attractive she was. Even then, I refused the date, merely on principle.

In fact, as I’m sitting here writing this, it’s occurred to me that the last three women I’ve dated steadily were ones I found on Tinder, an app specifically engineered to help the lowest common denominators of human compassion sort through each other like wallpaper samples.

So the idea here that you should or shouldn’t do anything (I personally don’t give a shit what you do—it’s a free country). It’s more that you should understand that if you’re going to be the kind of person judging books by their covers, you can’t necessarily be upset when those books do the same. Managing your expectations and human interactions will help you find the kind of women you want.

In other words: Dream big, but be real.