Let me start by being completely, um, honest. Every once in a while, we ladies have been known to play a little fast and loose with the truth around you guys. Believe me, we do it with the purest of intentions (really!). And rather than try to change us, your best bet—for keeping your woman happy and your sanity intact—is to simply recognize what’s going on and be smooth about it. With that in mind, here are seven lies we commonly tell men, and how to handle them. Just trust me on this stuff, OK?
1. “Give me your completely honest opinion…”
Now would be a good time to fake a heart attack.
What we really mean: “Tell me what I want to hear.
What to do about it: I know, it’s confusing as hell. We say “seriously,” and “I really want the truth,” but the chances that we actually want the truth are about as good as the chances you want us to tell you that it’s OK, size really doesn’t matter. There are even times when women think we’re prepared for honesty and even then, when it comes out, it just plain sucks. So err on the side of safety (and of grateful-for-the-white-lie affection), and tell me…I’m hotter than that chick, this dress does not make my butt look big, my mom isn’t overbearing at all…and you’ll be golden.
2. “I’m fine. Really.”
What we really mean: “I’m as far from fine as can be.”
What to do about it: No matter how much it may seem we want you to leave us alone with that simple statement, we don’t. The worst thing you can do in this situation is say, “OK, good,” and end the conversation. Instead, we want you to show some serious concern until we’re ready to actually voice what’s wrong. It’s all about making us feel like our happiness is a priority. Want some extra points? Throw in a line about how you’re not going anywhere until you’re sure everything is OK. We. Will. Swoon.
3. “I’ve slept with X number of guys.”
What we really mean: “I’ve slept with just a few more than X number of guys.”
What to do about it: Remember the “rule of three” made famous by American Pie? (Guys have slept with three fewer women than they say, and vice versa.) Well, the magic number may not always be three, but the idea is founded in truth. The reason we omit a few escapades from our history is because we’re ever fearful of being seen as “easy”—and don’t they all say that easy girls don’t land the guys in the long run? Want the truth? Make us feel confident that your opinion of us doesn’t lie with our sexual history—and that no matter how many guys we’ve been with in the past, we’re still pure in your eyes. Simply reaffirming those things (and consistent acts of chivalry—flowers, romantic dates, time with our families and friends to show your interest outside of sex), will have us more inclined to be honest about our pasts, and to keep our bedroom doors open.