Wettest Video Game of 2009

Rubi Malone is a 70s era, porn-style cowgirl that knows how to sling iron and fight with a blade. Holy hell.

Right out of the barrel, you’ve got to be thinking you’re down for any game with that as its main heroine, and right out of the barrel, you’re correct. Rubi is a gun for hire (called in-game a fixer) that will lend you her metal and mettle in whatsoever anybody is hiring for. She lives in a junk yard, drinks beer, and doesn’t give a shit about Kanye West.

So, she’s kind of like you. Except that, statistically speaking, you don’t look like a tougher version of Lara Croft.

Play Square probably put it better than we could when they said, “its gameplay is an interesting mix of Tomb Raider, House Of The Dead and old-school Tony Hawk.” That’s like saying your new car is pretty good because it’s part monster truck, part Lambo, and part hovercraft. No big whoop.

It’s fundamentally a third-person, cover-based shooter. But it has a few interesting features which separate it from the herd. Predictably, it includes bullet-time, but unlike other shooters, you can lock onto one target and then manually pick of others with head shots all in one leap.

And speaking of leaping, there’s plenty of it. In fact, the more acrobatic your kills the better since there are floating powerups that double your kill points if you, say, backflip through them while shooting 9 guys in their heads. Booyah. [Buy it]


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