Believe it or not, headaches come from more places than just a bottle of _________ (insert your own personal poison here). Getting to know what type of headache you have can oftentimes help with the remedy. At least that’s what our witch doctor told us. Admittedly, most of us are not medical school savvy, but all of us have been hit with a pulsating in the cranium. We’re here to take a peak at the where, whys, and hows of your headache, and how to get rid of that thing.
This is a pretty common head pounder among us humans. Tension can come from many places — mom on your voicemail, mom needing computer advice, girlfriend wants you to meet her dumb friends, traffic, that damn Rubix Cube — but it all eventually can lead to the same place: your head. Most people complain that tension headaches stem from work or visiting family members, and we’re not going to argue with that data. However, many tension headaches result from you slouching like you’re sitting in 8th grade History class. The tension settles in your back, then moves to your neck. When the 4pm vodka wears off, the head will absorb the pain.
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Blood Flow Restriction, Nerve Ending Irritation.
Quick Fix Relief: It sounds boring, but Ibuprofen 3 or 4 at a time is the quick route to Easyville in this case.
Well, none of us have had this type of headache, now have we? This is that 7:15am ‘good morning to reality’ we’ve all been privy to. More than a few times. Like, maybe daily. This is usually accompanied with an overall gross feeling from your head down to your toes. It’s no secret what causes this: lots and lots of drinking the evening/early morning before you wake up. Some people are blessed with the ability to drink their life away and not get the dreaded head ailment. But most of us regular people hate life the day after a solid bender.
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Restraint.
Quick Fix Relief: Hair of the dog is easily the best remedy. Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers are the easiest to hack, but there is no wrong decision here. Except maybe Jager Bombs.
These are the ‘chick named Natalie who kinda’ wanted to make out with you, but ended up drinking all the Cinnamon Schnapps during senior trip and called you a pillow biter in front of your entire class’ type of headaches. And it’s a recurring dream. This type of headache will steal several hours out of your day and many people are plagued by them for their entire life. The term comes from hemicrania, which is a Greek work that means "half of the head.” Some doctor somewhere said that migraines actually cover around 70% of the head. And the fact that we only use 10% of our brains means…that…um…what was the question?
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Trigeminal nerve. Apparently it’s in your head.
Quick Fix Relief: Hippocrates said something about vomiting easing the pain. Hmmm…drink much?
This could be called the no afternoon headache, because it usually only hits in the morning or late at night. It is described as a vicious skull kicker and arrives with no warning — while lasting around an hour. These bastards hit mostly during Spring or Fall, so they are sometimes (wrongly) associated with allergies. Damn, we sound smart, right? The bitch about these headaches is they truly do come in clusters. They will come and go throughout the day/week and last the same amount throughout the day. Oh yeah, and about 80% more guys get them than chicks. Yet another thing we can be pissed off about.
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: We stopped listening when percentages entered the picture — how about you?
Quick Fix Relief: See that pub across the street from the office? One shot of whiskey and a beer every fifteen minutes. The second headache in the cluster will never arrive…
Piercing F***ing Noises Headaches
Crying babies. That’ll do it. Sitting by the speakers at a Scorpions concert could also do the trick. Loud noises can cause headaches because the vibrations are irritating to the eardrums and we learned in 5th grade Science that the eardrums are kinda’ close to the brain. Hence, headache. Not everyone gets head cramps from loud noises, but the overly sensitive peeps do (aka, pussies).
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Phonophobia.
Quick Fix Relief: Amitriptyline tablets (also good for depression).
Smells & Stuff Headaches
Some say that getting a headache from things like paint fumes and super glue means the medicine is working. But in reality, these headaches mean your brain is kicking a few billion cells out the back door. Luckily for most, these skull pains are fleeting and usually disappear within a few minutes. The cause can be smells, but taste has been known to also play a role in these type of headaches. Allergies can be to blame in some cases, but anyone can be affected on any given day. Unless you don’t have a brain. Which if you are reading this…
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Sniffingglueitus
Quick Fix Relief: Fresh air and water will kill it fairly quickly.
This is usually a daily headache. Otherwise known as your job and mundane life. Seriously, though, people do suffer from these daily pounders and they are often caused from taking too much medication to relieve — wait for it — headaches. It’s the Catch 22 of head pain. These are most closely related to migraines and tension headaches not properly diagnosed, and that are being treated by taking ‘regular’ headache medicine. They unfortunately never get completely squashed. This migraine relative will not be as severe as normal, but the resulting rebound will still be a pain in your ass…er, head.
Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Medication Overuse Headaches.
Quick Fix Relief: Go see a doctor. You likely have a condition.