Waiting on a woman’s word is an exercise in patience. This is something we might have learned at 15 when the blouse was a constant ‘no reach zone’ and the chances of persuading her otherwise were even slimmer. Back then, we might have thought things would someday change to forever suit our favor, but 15-year-old girls seem simply to grow into women who still withhold their vital (and larger) offerings. And so, in order to better challenge this, we’ll have to better understand the reasoning (something we might know as ‘irrational cruelty’) behind the decisions not to give it up, ‘not yet.’
NOTE: For the purpose of this article, we will disregard the possibility that she simply doesn’t want you. Plus, you’re a handsome guy. Have some self confidence, fella!
‘Not Yet’ – She Doesn’t Know You
SITCH: Going for the gold on the first date oscillates between sleazy and noble, depending on how debonaire you’ve been and are while approaching the couch. If you’ve been unmistakably gentlemanly (footed the bill, brought her flowers), established a mutual attraction (footsie, miscellaneous flirtations reciprocated), and still she raises a regretful brow in response to your advancements, it’s evident she feels incapable of convincing herself to get closer.
REASONING: his is because you’ve nabbed yourself the kind of girl who connects closeness (hearing about your favorite, childhood birthday party and/or relationship with your mother) with sexual options.
SOLUTION: Tell her a story about your long lost grandfather to hint at your emotional maturity, ask her questions about her family. If you’re dedicated and seamlessly coy, you’ve got a chance of grabbing this girl out of the ‘never-on-a-first-date‘ zone and helping her mount a grand exception.
‘Not Yet‘ – She Doesn’t Trust You
SITCH: This ‘I-Don’t-Trust-You‘ line has long haunted your restless slumbers while sharing a bed with a body who’s withholding Southern territories as though they were WMD’s. You’ve attempted to adore her at all costs and even resorted to gift giving.
REASONING: If you’ve secured several legitimate dates, spoken at length about your long lost grandfather and still she refuses, she’s unsure of you.
SOLUTION: The trick to securing her trust (and therein your sexual ambitions) is not rattling off impressive denotations of your daily life and dealings with your ex-wife, but a more straight forward, ironically, subtler approach. When snuggled together on the sexless couch (you’ve begun to resent), ask her, ‘Do you feel comfortable with me?‘
She’ll be surprised enough by the question alone. Hell, you were probably surprised to read it. Few men care to ask this, and every woman wants to hear it. If you present yourself genuinely, you’ll open the opportunity to tell her, “You’re safe with me. Take your time, I don’t mind.” Untangle yourself from her. Turn your focus (not spitefully, rather nonchalantly) back to the television without making a move. It’s your turn to take your time. She’ll do the rest for (read: to) you.
‘Not Yet’ – She needs ‘I Love You’
SITCH: It’s mighty rough when the requirement for casual fornication with a certain woman is three words dreaded like lupus.
REASONING: Some girls relentlessly insist that in order to score, you’ve got to be seriously attached. You can thank her mother for this – quite a stately problem for the guy who’s been working to bed her since the first time he saw her at the Shake Shack. NOTE: When a young, seemingly determined girl (often waitress, receptionists, showgirl?) desires so badly for you to declare your love, you might even want to skip out. Things may only get worse once you’ve won your loot (i.e. endless phone calls, separation anxiety, stalking) – which we don’t quite consider treasure.
SOLUTION: If, however, you simply can’t resist the build of her sprite, young form and your fantasy of seeing her face in the sack, you’ll have to get clever. Tell her you’ve been wildly hurt in the past by a spiteful woman who sucked your soul dry. Tell her that, ever since, it’s been difficult to dish out those three words, which so ruined you. You may have to create details to fit the claim, embellish the story, but the outcome is worth it: You’ll have an excuse to bypass saying ‘I Love You’ by implying that you do, while ditching the deed itself. She’ll take pity on you. Pity feels good.
‘Not Yet’ – She Wants Something From You First
SITCH: She might even begin making a joke of it, slapping her and giggling whilst saying: ‘Not until you meet my mother.’ (Ed. note: What a great URL). We doubt you’ll be giggling. It’s a scary time.
REASONING: Some women decide to use their sexual partnership with a man as an advantageous push of persuasion. They do this because they are clever, but we see it as cruel – very, very cruel (and somehow uncreative?) By making you wait, a woman aims to manipulate your desperation, utilizing the powerful promise of sex as a way to ensure your less powerful promises of commitment.
SOLUTION: Due to the inherently stubborn nature of this situation, you have one unfortunate option and one slim chance. The unfortunate option is to comply with her will. When a woman becomes so infatuated with a foreseen event, she may absolutely lose her head to lose sight of it. This might mean meeting her mother or adopting a cat. It’s for you to decide where to draw the line.
However, in the case that she actually possesses a heart (open to some cunning manipulation of your own) there’s the slim chance: to psychologically game play her into giving it up. This means, turning the tables. Tell her that you think its unfair and disrespectful to treat you as though you were hungry only for wild fornication (even though you are) and that you feel she’s being sexist. You’ll have to really go for it, sincerely displaying feelings of slight betrayal and disappointment (don’t tear up, that’s too much). With the slim chance, you may just be able to create a wealthy swarm of guilt within her, guilt that reaches her loins and lets her make it up the only way she can.