If you’re like most dudes, you have upwards of 2.5 moves in the sack that you feel pretty confident in and can do in your sleep — literally. Your gal, however, needs more than your limited arsenal to please her the way she deserves to be pleased. Being a chick, she likely will not tell you what she wants you to try, but will assume you know what she wants you to try. Such is the conundrum us guys live with every day. Well, this is your lucky day, because MadeMan is here to break down some of the things she wants you to try. Use it for good. Or evil. Whichever works.
Try Breaking the Normal Routine
Men are creatures of habit, so it really isn’t your fault that you follow a paint-by-numbers routine in bed. It’s in your nature. Unfortunately for men, the ladies like something called variety. You are probably asking, ‘what is this variety you speak of?’ In the bedroom, it’s something other than stumbling in, being the best missionary you can be for all of three minutes, then finishing off some Spam before drifting away to dreamland. If you always start the same way every time you sex her up, you have no variety, Dude. So go opposite. If you normally zig, then start zagging. Normally go left? Go right, Son. If you throw something new at her and she’s still expecting the same old boring you, she might get the Big O just from the change of pace. Either that or she will suspect you are cheating on her and are practicing your new moves on her.
Nothing rocks a world like traveling. How many times have you covered more than one or two rooms while showing your ladyfriend a good time? Likely the answer is MAYBE once. Starting in one room, then moving to the — we’ll call it the ‘party room’ — is about as fancy as most guys get. What chicks would like to see is taking the whole show on a trip around the house/hotel/brothel. She also wants you to stay in control during this guided tour. Simply guiding her from room-to-room by the hand will kill the mood quicker than your old boring routine. She wants you to ‘take’ her from room-to-room and don’t tell her ahead of time where she is headed.
Standing. The revolutionary sex position. There are some fancy names for standing positions, but we’re too lazy to look them up in our worn copy of the Kama Sutra. What standing means for you? Bonus points. It’s something she’s been wanting you to try for a long time because of the different stimulation she receives, it’s something new (read: she can pretend you are someone else), and it is not routine. The standing positions vary, as we are sure your dad told you about when he had ‘the talk’ with you, and chicks want them all. Face-to-face, behind, and other cool positions we don’t even know about yet. Get on your feet. She’ll thank you for it in the morning.
Try Talking To Her
Whether she talks to you during sex or not is a moot point, because she definitely wants you to talk to her. She wants you to try and bring her to the point of no return using your wordsmith ways — complemented by your sexual prowess, of course. The sex talk list depends on what type of girl you are with. It can range from just verbally boosting her on a pedestal, to the naughty unprintable stuff. Understanding what she might want if part of your job, although it can at times be impossible to know. If you are unsure what level of talk she wants, start off in the safe zone and build upon her reaction to it. Our guess if she will want ‘the works’. Because all chicks are naughty that way.
Try Spending Time on Her
You’re just happy someone is willing to allow you access to their goods, and this usually leads you to getting your rocks off while attempting to give her a couple minutes of semi-pleasure. What she’d love for you to try is HER. Take a step back from what you need and spend some time ensuring she is satisfied before you proceed getting your satisfaction on. Massaging works. Like, a full body massage. As does using your flapper for more than trash talking about fantasy football. There’s not a woman on earth that doesn’t want you to do this. You probably already do this on occasion, but what she wants is some lingering. Take your time on her. Trust us. That’s what she’s thinking as soon as she enters the bedroom.
Try the Unspeakable Stuff
She’s adventurous, right? Or at least curious. She wonders about the things the kids are raving about and she wants you to try them. But she doesn’t want to bring them up for fear you will react adversely. You know, like calling her a whore and stuff. There are several things in this category she wants you to try and we will let you pick and choose which ones to employ. But you know what we’re talking about. Things that could get you arrest in the 50’s. We say, what was yesterday’s arrest is today’s bedroom pastime. That’s just one of many wise things we say on a daily basis.