Whats Brainwashing Your Girl This Month

Words and photos by Brody Brown

We spend our days working, living and playing with women, but we still don’t really know what they think and gossip about besides other chicks, The Bachelor and shoes. For your benefit, Made Man now attempts to get INSIDE THE FEMALE BRAIN by scanning the covers of the publications created just for them. Read, digest, and by all means, keep your lady out of the magazine aisle.

BRIDES: Why being engaged makes you mental (you’re not alone)
Stay tuned for April’s “Why being married makes you mental (you’re not alone)” and May’s “Why being single makes you mental (you’re not alone).” Sigh.

COSMOPOLITAN: What Guys Hate for You to Wear to Bed
We can only hope Cosmo went with pajamas, skin care masks and retainers. As opposed to, say, just about anything in the Victoria’s Secret catalog.

EBONY: IS MARRIAGE FOR WHITE PEOPLE?
There are so many ways to go with this one, but let’s tell it like it is: That’s actually a damn good cover line. Who wouldn’t want to read that?

ELLE: THE REAL REASON YOU HATE YOUR LOOKS (AND HOW TO GET OVER IT)
We’re sure it has nothing to do with your putting unrealistically Photoshopped images of already-hot ladies like Katy Perry on your cover and raving about “that body,” Elle.

GOOD HOUSEKEEPING: BEST JEANS: Hide your belly, thighs & butt
From the people who brought you the Corset, the Miracle Bra and Spanx, introducing Trojan Horse Jeans! Only catch? They have to come off sometime.

MORE: 21st CENTURY DIVORCE: KEYS TO KEEPING YOUR CASH
This dangerous game-changer runs from page 60 to page 64. We checked, just in case you see a copy of this mag on the coffee table and have only a precious few seconds to rip it out.

REDBOOK: GET IN A SEXY MOOD, INSTANTLY: Read this before you say, “Not tonight”
We appreciate the thought, Redbook, but couldn’t this story just have been combined with the one teased on the other side of Jenna Fischer that promises “Better Sleep for Life: The fix for what keeps you up at night”?

SHAPE: What Really Gets His Attention (It’s not what you think!)
Far be it from us to argue with the editors of Shape, but we’re gonna go out on a limb here and say, actually, ladies, it’s exactly what you think. And they’re right under cover girl Sofia Vergara’s nose.

(Brody Brown has examined fashion crimes, social issues and cocktails in Montreal and New York. He now writes about spirits, entertainment and nightlife in Los Angeles.)

 

 

 

 

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