The strange case of the convicted hedge fund manager who faked his own death before he was supposed to report to jail has taken another turn. His lady friend is a squealer.

Samuel Israel III, has officially been deemed a ‘not dead’ fugitive by authorities after they found his abandoned SUV on a bridge over the Hudson River with the message ‘Suicide is Painless’ scrawled in dirt on the windshield. After his body never washed ashore and authorities realized his ‘dirt note’ was actually the TV theme song of M*A*S*H, the hunt for the man on the run began.

First stop: Sammy’s girlfriend, Debra Ryan. After 10 days of interrogation she revealed that the day before he disappeared, she had assisted him in packing all his worldly possessions into an RV and dropping the vehicle off at spot not too far from his ‘death site’. Turns out he also packed with him his blue 2005 Yamaha scooter. Nice! Chalk another one up for Vespas/scooters being smart. Use #56: Save Gas and Look Cool While On The Run From The Law!

I hope this whole fugitive thing ends in a slow speed chase with Sammy on his scooter on some Upstate NY highway. After the jump – silly aliases and crappy police work.

Ms. Ryan, the worst gf ever, is listed as a ‘decorator’ by trade and now faces up to 10 years in prison for aiding and abetting her boyfriend’s flight. (I’m guessing she’s probably an ‘interior decorator’. Have you ever noticed there are no ‘exterior decorators’? More house painters, landscapers, and maybe ever architects should start calling themselves that, adding some jazz to their title.)

Probably the best little bit of info that was revealed today was about Israel’s fugitive ‘aliases’ from the New York Times article:

The marshals said the public should be on the lookout for Mr. Israel in “R.V. parks, campgrounds or highway rest areas,” and added that he had been known to use the aliases of Sam Ryan and David S. Clapp.Mr. Israel suffers from severe back pain, according to court records, and has had a long battle with an addiction to prescription painkillers. At the time of his disappearance, he was scheduled for the latest in a series of operations on his spine.

Sam Ryan? Somebody likes his female New York sports reporters a lot. But what about ‘David S. Clapp’? Could this be a reference to some possible battle with gonorrhea in the 80s? Only time will tell I guess.

Authorities should have realized sooner that because of Israel’s horrible back pain, that suicidal jump off a bridge into the Hudson River would have been hell on him. Shoddy police work, if you ask me.

If you see fugitive Sammy Israel cruising around the East Coast in his RV or on his Yamaha scooter this weekend, be sure to leave a note in the comments section. I’m pretty sure the police will be monitoring it.

NYT: Fugitive Fund Manager’s Girlfriend Is Charged, June 20, 2008