posted
05/20/11
When the news about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child and IMF managing director Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s alleged sexual assault broke, we got one of our top sex experts on the line for some quick, pointed questions about power, ego, and infidelity. That expert (who’s also helping us with a cool, surprising story coming soon) is Dr. Natasha Valdez, a licensed sexologist, former owner of a sex shop in Austin, Texas, and author of the new book Vitamin O. And she says that if we’re gonna bash these guys and insist we’d never act the way they did if we were in a similar position, we are only kidding ourselves. She’s also got some great advice should you be tempted to make a baby with the housekeeper.
MADE MAN: Why do powerful men stray?
DR. NATASHA VALDEZ: Because they can. They have so many opportunities, because so many people throw themselves at them, because they’re men of power and there are so many people who don’t care that they are married. In a weak moment, you can take the most powerful man or the weakest man. It proves that they are just like everyone else and they have weak moments.
MM: What is it about having power that makes men cheat?
DNV: I think sometimes their power, even though they’re so normal at home, when they cheat outside of the home, someone is glorifying them and saying “You’re so great.” Out of the home, they like their fame and power and what it does to people. At home, their wives are saying, “I love you and you’re my husband.” That doesn’t work anymore.
MM: Do their egos make them think all women want them?
DNV: Their egos are so big and so inflated because of all the adoration; everything is easy for them. Do they think all women want them? Kind of, because they think they’re so cool! They think they’re great, and that people are lucky to be with them. They think that their wives don’t realize how lucky they are to be with them. Their wives treat them how they always have, and I’m not saying that what the men did is right, but some of the wives might not adore the men like they did in the beginning. That’s like a lot of relationships. It gets plain and boring and vanilla. They step outside and every woman is like, “You’re so amazing!.” They’re not getting that at home. They like that. Their brains and their egos require that. It probably gives them the erection that they need to use.
MM: Does that make them different from the average Joe?
DNV: The average Joe has his ego too, and if he could use his power to play, he probably would. It’s all about the access that powerful men have to these women.
MM: This woman Arnold had the love child with, she’s not exactly a looker. What’s up with that?
DNV: She has something in her personality. She might not be attractive but she knows what she’s doing.
MM: If a regular guy has the urge to cheat, what should he do?
DNV: If you have the urge to cheat and are bored, go back and figure out what the reasons are. If you can’t do it yourself—most people can’t—then you’ve got to go to therapy or marriage counseling where you peel all of the layers back. Most people can’t get there on their own, they just go ‘next’, or ‘I’ll just cheat and that will make me feel better.’ It’s hard to be introspective, it’s harder to look inward than to look outward. The thing is, if you work on the problem, you’ll actually be working toward a peaceful, loving life instead of a chaotic, trauma-filled one. If you do the quick fix and cheat, you’re creating scars and sadness that could last quite a while.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Agree? Disagree? This is clearly a hot topic, so we welcome your comments below or on the Facebook post associated with this story.
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