What about dirty talk. Do you think men are more aggressive now because of porn? Is there good dirty talk and bad dirty talk?
I like all dirty talk.
Even if it turns misogynistic?
You’re a little whore…
Oh, I don’t love that. Actually, sometimes I do [laughs]! What’s the matter with me?
Do most of your friends like that stuff, too?
My friends and I talk more about dirty actions than dirty talk. Like, one of my best friends just told me about how she was unloading the groceries and her boyfriend came up behind her and hiked up her skirt and threw her up against the counter.
I’m getting mixed messages. Do you prefer Metroman or Caveman?
Both! I feel like my last boyfriend, if I asked him to hang some pictures, he would have hired a handyman. Or if I was stuck somewhere, he would send a car instead of coming to pick me up. It would get done, but not by him.
So making the effort is masculine. Some old-fashioned chivalry. You want to see him sweat a bit.
Yeah. I went on a date a few months ago, and after, this guy came over with his tool box and did some stuff around the house, without his shirt on, and the whole time I was taking secret pictures of him and texting them out to my girlfriends, like: “This is what’s happening in my life right now, I’m about to lose my mind.” And literally, all the females in my address book wrote back immediately and were like, ‘Shut up! How is this happening to you? Can we order this?’
I ask her to see the pictures. She shows me. Dude’s pretty buff.
Do you like a guy who works out?
I like a guy to take care of himself but if he took off his shirt and was flexing his six-pack, no. Ew. I’d literally almost rather go out with a fat guy.
What about guys who don’t eat carbs?
Annoying. Not into it. Life’s short; I’m gonna eat some donuts.
Would you prefer a man to be on Facebook or not?
Not. Dating a guy who’s on Facebook is an issue for me. Bad. Stop being on social media for no reason!
What about yoga?
Yoga is perfectly acceptable now.
Gay. Orlando Bloom takes pilates with me and I have such an issue with what he wears. It skeeves me out.
What does he wear?
Ballet pants. I wanna die.
What about grooming? Have we taken a step forward or backwards?
Backwards. You guys get facials now. I know you do. You don’t admit it, but I know you do.
And that’s a 2012 thing?
Five years ago, you’d get a guy and you’d say: ‘With a little bit of work, we could get him up and running.’ Usually, it’d be guys with bad jeans or something, so you’d say, ‘He has a real potential but we’re gonna have to take him jeans shopping.’ Now, guys, like one of my best friends, he’ll text me and say: ‘Rock the Halston tonight.’ He’s a straight guy. No straight guy should use the phrase ‘Rock the Halston.’
What does that mean?
It’s a Halston vintage dress I have. So if we’re going out together, or if I’m going on a date or something, he might tell me to wear it.
And do you like that?
I guess I am sending mixed signals. Because yeah, I like it, but I think that deep down, as fun as it is, we all still want an old fashioned guy.
Who also manscapes.
I actually just learned about this! I caught my ex shaving his balls. I didn’t know this was something you guys did. I was blown away that that was part of his ritual.
Really? Presumably you were familiar with his balls. Did you think they were just naturally hairless?
Would you prefer if they were hairy?
Would I prefer hairy balls? No.
Wait, you seem outraged that he’s shaving his balls and yet you prefer them hairless.
OK, so the modern man just needs to be more secretive about the things that he’s doing to be more attractive to the modern woman.
Right. Don’t want to know the details at all.
You realize that’s insane.
Do you realize the amount of effort it takes for women to look natural?
No, because you’re better at hiding it.
So you want us to maintain the mystery. Like you. You want the spoils of metrosexuality without being made aware of the process.
Yes. Here’s the girls’ wet dream: You’re holding a puppy, you’ve got a tool box, you know how to cook, you’re smart, you can buy pants that fit you properly, but you’re still a teeny bit of the 1950’s guy.
Old fashioned. Take charge.
Right. We want to feel like we have a guy where, if something happens, he’s going to save us. And for some reason if you’re out buying moisturizer that doesn’t make us feel safe.
Her phone dings. She checks it, smiles, and says: “Y’see? These are the types of texts I get from my girlfriends.” She shows me the screen. It reads: “I may kill myself.”
Why’d she write that?
She just got back from a date. This is the modern woman reacting to the modern man.