Winter summons thoughts of iridescent icicles dangling from trees denuded of their leaves, illuminating dove grey skies. Holiday lights color the white, snow-swathed streets. There’s something romantic about it all and, despite subzero temperatures, women want to walk around in it. With you. Which means you need a handsome coat that’ll pack some serious sartorial punch. Women mostly don’t care if you’re wearing leather, nylon, tweed, herringbone or something else—but the style of your jacket does speak volumes…
Pea Coat: A double-breasted, shorter wool overcoat
What it says: You’ve got class, but you’re not one to take risks—sartorial or otherwise. Which means you’re probably not a whole lot of fun and won’t be out there twirling her around; it’s just too dangerously slippery.
Reserved for: The classic gentleman who women grow bored of, but mothers insist their daughters date anyway.
Bomber Jacket: Similar to a flight jacket, often with a thick sheepskin lining
What it says: You’ve got a bit of a bad boy vibe and, contrary to those donning pea coats, you are prepared to tread ice. It’s because you’re inspired by the Air Force vets of the early 1900s, whose style is as immortal as their legacy.
Reserved for: Risk takers.
Duffel Coat: A coat made from duffel, fastened with toggles
What it says: You’re not notably good with your hands—like, you probably couldn’t unhook a bra strap with two fingers in the heat of the moment, because you can’t even fasten a generic button. Instead you need gaping loops; it’s otherwise hard for you to find the hole…
Reserved for: Virgins.
Parka: A windproof, hooded jacket
What it says: You’re the kind of man who’s struck an enticing balance between grit and grace. You’re smart in that you prepare for the cold and you boast smart style. So you’re probably smart conversation, too.
Reserved for: All practical minds.
Insulated Down Jacket: A super warm, waterproof jacket
What it says: You’re either a daddy or a daddy. Like, you’re an older dude out their shoveling the driveway for your family. Or you’re the kind of guy who will one day be out there shoveling the driveway for your family.
Reserved for: Daddies.
Ski Jacket: An insulated down sport jacket intended for skiing or snowboarding (not shoveling driveways)
What it says: You’re not just going for a walk with this woman; you’re looking for an adventure, will probably instigate a snowball fight and are likely to tackle her like an asshole. It’ll be fun, for a minute, until snow seeps through her scarf and melts down the back of her neck.
Reserved for: Skiers, skiing.
Trench Coat: A double-breasted raincoat
What it says: You don’t own a winter coat, and you thought this would suffice. You don’t think through much of anything, for that matter. Like this date to walk in the park that’ll probably end in blue fingers and no return call.
Reserved for: No one in the dead of winter.
Overcoat: A long, warm coat that typically extends to the thighs
What it says: You’re a busy guy. You work late nights and probably make decent dough, but you’ll always be stuck at the office, rushing home to make it for dinner as she’s finishing her last bite. Just like you’ll rush over to this winter walk, still wearing your overcoat like you’re headed to a client meeting.
Reserved for: Businessmen.
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