It’s a pretty simple concept. There are lines marked on the ground that help guide one driver into one said location in which to leave our vehicle. As I was so kindly reminded by the guy taking two spots at the store today, it seems many people didn’t get the friendly “How to Park” guide at the local DMV. So I am going to give you a little Cliff Note version of the rules.

1. There are lines in parking lot. They can be white, the can be yellow but they are there for a reason. Stay in between them. If you get out and you are too close to one line, get back in your car and move it over. Leaving it like the picture above is a waiver for me to play etch-a-sketch on your door
Rule#2. If you have to have one of these oxygen stealing, temperature warming, gas guzzling behemoths at least move it out deep into the parking lot. The world wasn’t made to accommodate these things and parking spaces weren’t either. The ironic thing about these beasts is the guy getting out of them is usually 5’2″ .

Rule #3: No back in parking. Are going inside to drink a quart of Hennessey? Is there something that you are going to do inside that will take away from your ability to back out of a parking spot? I have some news, you are not going to save any time backing in. It is merely a redistribution of time. And certainly don’t use my bumper as “Yup, I’m back all the way” guide.

Rule #4: No bumper kissing. If some crazy reason you touch the car in front of you, move the car back, check to see if you did any damage and then go inside. If you leave the car like this. Your better pray the car in front of you is worth more than yours

Rule #5. If there’s snow piled in the spot, it is no longer a spot. Is it me or is it always the same 1995 truck or sport utility that “climbs” the snow to get that last spot? I can’t remember the last time I saw a Prius or a Camry parked at a 45 on the snow hill.

Rule #6: Owning an expensive car doesn’t give you special parking rights. If you’re going to take the Ferrari to go pick up a half case of Diet Coke then give the car some breathing room. The last thing you want to do is give people a reason to say the old “When I’m done with him he’ll be able to legally park there”

Rule #7: Don’t “T-Bone” other parallel parkers. You’ve been watching too many smart car ads. What you don’t see at the end of the ads is the little guy getting his ass kicked by the guy in front and back of him.

Rule #8: Don’t cut across the parking lot or corners. There’s nothing worse that some guy cutting across the whole middle of the parking lot to get to the lane he wants. That’s why we have lanes. Curbs on the corners and rocks are there for a reason. To guide and direct.